if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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