Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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