im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize