A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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