Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
