yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
