Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
