yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
