so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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