My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
