THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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