Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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