I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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