i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
