I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
