You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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