If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
