someone threw a dead crab at me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
