i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize