Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
