I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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