If that was your dad, he is hot
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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