in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
