remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
