you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
