We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
