Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
