Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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