Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
