then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
