I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
