i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
