Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
