I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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