Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
