Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize