My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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