I wish my penis had an off switch
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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