She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
