i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
