I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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