He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
