she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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