there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
