we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
