Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
