i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
