hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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