Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
