So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
