In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
