I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
