I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
