Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
