the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
