Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
