I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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