I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
