worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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