I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i believe in u and ur pee
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize