why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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