last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
