Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
