my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize