we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
