that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize