So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
