Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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