so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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