I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
