We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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