Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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