i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
