Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
