Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
